jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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