erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
