I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
