He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
