my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
