Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
