do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
