Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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