I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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