Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
