Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
