The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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