Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Drake has all the answers
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
