This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
