So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
