Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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