you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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