nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
