Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
