Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
