can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
