I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
