she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
