i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
