I just saw a hot homeless man
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
