I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
