is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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