I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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