They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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