JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
