I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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