girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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