The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize