her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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