When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
