we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize