It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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