Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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