Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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