Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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