I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
