Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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