all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
