I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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