"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
