I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
