Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
