He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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