I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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