Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
