im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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