If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
