his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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