Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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