I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
