We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
