So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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