why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
