I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
