I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
