Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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