Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
