remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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