You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
