Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
