Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize